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Speaking to a Masters in Teaching (MIT) class at The Evergreen State College in Olympia, WA
On April 27th, 2007 my husband, Alec and I - both Safe Schools Coalition trainers - spoke to Gery Gerst 's Masters in Teaching (MIT) class at The Evergreen State College with local activist Anna Schlecht. It was well received. There were 40 students plus Gery and another faculty member. The class lasted for three hours (including a break).
This was not strictly a Safe Schools Coalition presentation but more of a mixture of Safe Schools Coalition information and resources, and also stuff from us about our son Bill (they had already read Bill's story on my website). Anna gave both a personal perspective as a lesbian and longtime activist, and an excellent historical overview.Gery (who was our sons Noel and Bill's favorite teacher at Olympia High School, where he taught history for 30 years, had some Safe Schools Coalition materials for the class. We brought two handouts from the Families United Against Hate website: "Responses to Bias-Based Incidents " and "Reasons Someone May Be a Victim of Bias-Based Incidents ~ A Model for Coalition Building. and watched both the segment on homophobia in Teen Files: the Truth About Hate and Both of My Moms Names Are Judy.
Below is the email I received from one of the students the next day and my response to her. I edited out her name and email address.
Gabi Clayton
Anna Schlecht, Gabi Clayton and Alec Clayton speak to Gery
Gerst's MIT class at TESC.
A response from one of the students:
Mr. and Mrs. Clayton,
I appreciate you sharing yours and your son's story with us at Evergreen on Friday. I am deeply sorry for the loss of your son and the abuse he suffered here on earth. I know all the prayers in the world can't bring him back, but I can - and will - pray that GLBT children will no longer be abused by people who don't understand them.
I have to admit that I don't understand homosexuality and I'm not comfortable around it (I am talking about the sexual act - not the person). Though, what I was trying to get across in class - and not doing a very good job of it - was that I think it's okay to not understand something about someone and still value that person. There are many qualities that make up a person and I don't agree with judging someone as "less than" simply because I don't agree or understand one aspect of that person's life.
It is not my place to judge anyone and I honestly try not to. What I can tell you is that as a teacher, I will respect all my students - including those that are gay, lesbian, bisexual, or transgender, and I will do everything I can to support their academic future, their personal self, and their right to be who they are and not be discriminated against due to their sexual orientation.
I hope this does not make me sound like a hypocrite. I can absolutely tell you that if my own son grows up to be gay, I would love and cherish him just as I do now and I would support him in his life and his choices (yes - even though I may not be "comfortable" with it). I would also pray that other people give him a chance and not judge him as "less" and discredit him because he was gay.
I also know that right this moment, there is a mother praying that people will give her own gay son a chance and hope that people will see him for the wonderful human being he is. I will do my best to be that other person, valuing her son for the wonderful person he is.
Students in the MIT class listening to the presentation.
My reply:
We want to thank you for taking the time and effort to respond to our presentation. We appreciate your commitment as a teacher to respect all your students, and as a parent who loves her son and knows that if he comes out as gay, bisexual or transgender that this will not change your love and support for him. His choice will not be in his sexual orientation or gender identity because none of us choose that. His choice will be to give you the gift of being truthful about who he is instead of living in the closet and leaving you in the dark.
You don't sound at all like a hypocrite. You sound like a person who has been confronted with something outside of your comfort zone and is understandably struggling with it. And willing to do that, which is wonderful.
Of course it is okay to not understand something about someone and still value that person. We all start at not understanding and learn from there even about the people we are closest to. The great thing is that if you remain open you will continue to grow as you learn. I know this from my own personal experiences, including living with Bill's suicide. Barbara Lazear Ascher wrote in her wonderful book Landscape Without Gravity "I have been trying to make the best of grief and am just beginning to learn to allow it to make the best of me."
Thank you for your condolences and prayers for us.
You said you don't understand homosexuality and are not comfortable around it because you think of it the sexual act, not the person. I understand that. I'm not comfortable thinking about any person as defined by their sexual acts, even straight people. Some of them do things that would make me uncomfortable and I'm a straight woman. But all of us are much more than our sexual acts. Perhaps if you look at this it will help you to have a broader view of sexual orientation:
Sexual and Affectional Orientation and Identity Scales (Using the Klein Scale to Teach about Sexual Orientation) - by Bobbi Keppel, LICSW and Alan Hamilton is an excellent teaching tool. They first describe the Heterosexual-Homosexual Scale by Fritz Klein, MD with a 0 - 6 point continuum from exclusively heterosexual to exclusively homosexual; then Klein's extended work with his Sexual Orientation Grid - which uses 7 less emotionally "loaded" reference point descriptions. Keppel & Hamilton then present their own "Aspects of Sexual Orientation" which looks with much more depth into these aspects: sexual attraction, sexual behavior, sexual fantasies, emotional preference, and social preference. Keppel and Hamilton write "how a person thinks of herself or himself is often not a matter of choice (preference), the politically correct term has become "sexual orientation." They also looks at past, present & ideal and more. I highly recommend it. http://www.bisexual.org/kleingrid.html
Thank you,
Gabi Clayton
Gery Gerst (foreground) and his students listening to
the presentation by Alec Clayton, Gabi Clayton and Anna Schlecht.
The teacher Gery Gerst wrote:
I am so in your debt for helping with my students, and my goals.
So affirming to know that the message, the questions, and the delivery are so congruent and transformative, Gabi and Alec, and that your very presence showed them the loving parents behind the child...