Dear Safe Schools Coalition Members and Friends:

(1) “Christians and Bullying: Standing with Gays and Lesbians”
(2) “Who Cares About Queer Youth?”
(3) “Cyber-bullying: Fresh gloss on age-old problem”
(4) “How to Put School Bullying in Check”
(5) “Alabama School Board Denies Request to Address Anti-Gay Bullying”
(6) “’A Prayer When I Feel Hated’: Helping Prevent Gay Teen Suicide”
(7) “When Rights Differ, What Messages do Gay Teens Get?”
(8) “Today’s Love: ‘He’s my Little Brother. If He’s Happy, I’m Happy’”

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(1) “Christians and Bullying: Standing with Gays and Lesbians”
http://blog.sojo.net/2010/10/21/christians-and-bullying-standing-with-gays-and-lesbians/

My mother used to give us kids two instructions:

1. If there is a kid on the playground that nobody else is playing with — you play with them.

2. If there is a bully picking on other kids — you be the one to stand up to him or her.

Those two principles have served me well. And I can almost hear my mother’s voice sometimes … like now.

On Wednesday, I wore purple. I was speaking at North Park University, an evangelical Christian college, with Tim King, my colleague and a former student there. I was pleased to see them passing out purple ribbons and announcing why just before chapel.

So I joined thousands of others across the country who believe that bullying should never be tolerated at any time, at any place, or for any reason. I wore purple to commemorate “Spirit Day,” in memory of the many young people who have taken their own lives as a result of harassment and bullying inflicted on them because they are gay. I wore purple because I am a follower of Christ.

A bully is a person who habitually intimidates, harasses, or commits violence against those who are smaller, weaker, or more vulnerable because of their “outsider” status. A bully stands in opposition to all of what Christ taught and lived. There is broad opposition within the Christian community to bullying, especially the sort that leads to the deaths we have seen as of late. This sort of harassment is indefensible. And the stories of young kids being so bullied that they take their own lives has been heartbreaking to hear.

But, to paraphrase Christ, if you oppose bullying, what reward will you get? Isn’t everybody against it? If all you do is say that you shouldn’t harass someone until they kill themselves, are you really doing more than others?

There is disagreement within the Christian community when it comes to issues of human sexuality. But, there should be a united front against all who would disrespect, disparage, or denigrate anyone created in the image of God.

You may read the rest of this blog here: http://blog.sojo.net/2010/10/21/christians-and-bullying-standing-with-gays-and-lesbians/

(2) “Who Cares About Queer Youth?”

http://www.bilerico.com/2010/10/who_cares_about_queer_youth.php

It's important to remember that it's not just in school that LGBT teens are bullied and made to feel that there's something wrong with them because of their sexuality or gender, but everywhere, including other social services for youth. Mother Jones profiled a DC teen who was constantly kicked out of foster homes because of her gender performance and perceived sexual orientation. Here's part of one confrontation (Mother Jones uses male pronouns; it's unclear what Kenneth prefers):

James wasn't blind to his foster son's sexuality. The young man was decidedly out--preaching tolerance at school assemblies, appearing on teen panels, and advocating gay pride in rainbow pamphlets. He even showed up to court hearings wearing lipstick. Privately, though, James dismissed all of it as a phase. And Kenneth, to avoid rocking the boat, had downplayed his sexuality at home--until now.

When James--a retired demolition worker with missing front teeth and a heavyweight's body--saw Kenneth with his date, he grew livid. "What are you doing bringing a boy into my house?" he screamed, according to Kenneth. He ordered them out, but the boy stood his ground. James got up in his face. "I'll kick your asses," he threatened. Taking him at his word, the couple fled, with James chasing them down the stairs and out the door. The boyfriend called 911.

One of the responding police officers wrote up the incident as a "family disturbance" related to Kenneth's sexual orientation. James evicted him then and there. With the cops in tow, Kenneth stuffed some clothes into a bag and split. For a few nights, he squatted at his godmother's apartment, but it wasn't a permanent option. "I just thought, 'God, I really fucked up,'" he recalls. "It felt like I lost everything."

To read the rest of this blog, please visit this link:

http://www.bilerico.com/2010/10/who_cares_about_queer_youth.php

(3) “Cyber-bullying: Fresh gloss on age-old problem”

http://www.appeal-democrat.com/articles/old-99883-loss-unspeakable.html

The suicide of any promising 18-year-old is an unspeakable tragedy, engulfing family and friends in sorrow, loss and crippling what-ifs. For better or worse, however, the death of New Jersey college freshman Tyler Clementi doesn't leave the unanswerable "Why?"

He leapt from a bridge on Sept. 22 after two fellow Rutgers University freshmen allegedly pulled off a vicious stunt — secretly activating a webcam in his room, watching him during an intimate encounter with another man and showing it live over the Internet. Dharun Ravi, who was Clementi's roommate, and Molly Wei are facing charges that could lead to prison.

Ravi's lawyer has said his client is no anti-gay bigot. (Wei's attorney says she's completely innocent.) Perhaps he's not.

But we don't need additional evidence to tell us that Ravi and Wei are callous, selfish and curiously disrespectful of other people's privacy. What did they imagine the outcome of their malicious caper would be?

Much of what passes for entertainment in popular culture these days involves young adults — and, with increasing frequency, older ones — freely submitting to ritual humiliation in exchange for instant notoriety. The early weeks of "American Idol" are always enlivened by the unintentional humor of would-be stars who have no business on any stage. And what would MTV do without Snooki and "The Situation," young adults willing to expose their stupidity to millions. 

Given the times, it would be easy to conflate this case with all the other examples of a social networking culture run amok, of a generation who cannot help baring their souls (and bodies) to strangers, of a technology that has trampled the old rules of conduct. 

You can read the rest of this article here:

http://www.appeal-democrat.com/articles/old-99883-loss-unspeakable.html

(4) “How to Put School Bullying in Check”

http://colorlines.com/archives/2010/10/five_ways_to_stop_bullying.html

Since July, an alarming number of LGBT teens and college students have committed suicide. From Tyler Clementi, 18, a Rutgers University freshman, to the most recent to make headlines, 19-year-old former Howard University student Aiyisha Hassan. The suicides, in particular Clementi’s, have brought attention to how endemic bulling is in adolescent culture, from physical assault to Internet harassment. It doesn’t end with overt hostility, however. A 2009 survey by GLSEN, which advocates for safe space in schools for LGBT students, found that, “88.9% of students heard ‘gay’ used in a negative way (e.g., ‘that’s so gay’) frequently or often at school.” Even more troubling is the fact that “40.1% of students were physically harassed” and “18.8% were physically assaulted.”

But the GLSEN survey also discovered that bullying is not confined to LGBT students. Nearly three quarters of students, 72.1 percent heard sexist remarks “frequently or often” and 40.6 percent heard racist remarks “frequently or often.”

The recent torrent of bad news about LGBT youth harassment in particular has prompted many to ask, what can we do to help? Broader, more inclusive strategies to combat bullying need to be enacted to ensure that all students, regardless of gender identity, sexual orientation, race or disability status, are made to feel safe and welcome in their schools. 

The Make It Better Project provides an excellent collection of resources to directly empower youth to act to stop bullying of all types, including a how-to guide on interrupting bullying when you see it happening. It also offers a resource list for parents on how they can support teens and prevent bullying. As one LGBT teen says in one of the project’s video testimonials, “I tried and succeeded at making it better for myself. I didn’t just wait and hope that it would get better. I found a whole world of people and places and experiences that I never thought that I would have.” That’s what activism can do. So we asked other anti-bullying advocates to chime in with their own strategies for ensuring a better school climate for all students. Here are five solutions we found at work in schools across the country. There are many, many more. If you’ve got any to highlight, chime into the comments below.

You can read the 5 suggestions for safer schools at:

http://colorlines.com/archives/2010/10/five_ways_to_stop_bullying.html

(5) “Alabama School Board Denies Request to Address Anti-Gay Bullying”

http://blogout.justout.com/?p=22914 

In Alabama, a father and truck driver named Jason Childs – a former Baptist concerned with homophobic bullying and preparing our children for “reality” outside the safety of schools – was recently denied a request to discuss tactics on curbing anti-gay bullying by the Alabama Board of Education.

Childs has been calling the Board for over a week attempting to get on their agenda, to no avail thus far. The news comes on the heels of a quietly bubbling debate over Alabama anti-gay bullying legislation.

“We’re not preparing our kids for the real world,” he said. “When these kids go out into the workplace, they’re going to be working alongside people of all different backgrounds, but they can’t learn to do that if we won’t teach them.”

The Anniston Star reports:

Childs’ quest to talk to the board is just the latest round in a fairly hush-hush debate about anti-gay bullying that has been percolating in Montgomery for more than a year.

It all started when the Legislature – at the behest of anti-bullying groups around the state – passed a law that requires every school system in the state to draft a policy for dealing with bullying. The law even described some specific types of bullying that should be specifically addressed in the law – like bullying based on race, religion or gender.

Anti-gay bullying was absent from the list. Conspicuously absent, in the opinion of many anti-bullying groups, who note that anti-gay harassment is one of the biggest slices of the bullying pie.

“Physical appearance is the only thing [other than sexual preference] kids get picked on for more,” said Glenda Elliott, a retired UAB education professor and current head of the anti-bullying group Alabama Safe Schools Coalition. “Sexual orientation, or perceived sexual orientation, is one form of bullying most students encounter every day.

Childs said Monday he got a letter late last week from the board informing him he won’t be allowed to speak. He plans to attend the meeting anyway, if only to be present to discuss his concerns with anyone who will listen.

(6) “’A Prayer When I Feel Hated’: Helping Prevent Gay Teen Suicide”

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/rev-james-martin-sj/a-prayer-when-i-feel-hated_b_754165.html?ref=email_share

The recent rash of suicides among young gay youths cannot fail to move the Christian heart, or indeed any heart capable of compassion. While any suicide is a terrible tragedy, the suicide of a young person who feels that his or her life will never change, and who moves towards despair as a result of constant bullying and harassment, is especially poignant. 

Many of the gays and lesbians, young and old, who have spoken about this in the last few days have pointed to how wounded they have felt by their churches and by other religious organizations. The Christian community must find a way to reach out more compassionately to gay and lesbian youths, help them feel welcome and valued, and help them know that they are beloved by God -- and by us. We must lead, as we do with any group, and as Jesus did, first with welcome, not condemnation. For my part, here is a prayer I composed for all who feel excluded, rejected, marginalized, shamed or made fun of, in any way or in any place, religious or otherwise: 

"A Prayer When I Feel Hated"

Loving God, you made me who I am.
I praise you and I love you, for I am wonderfully made,
in your own image.

But when people make fun of me,
I feel hurt and embarrassed and even ashamed.
So please God, help me remember my own goodness,
which lies in you.
Help me remember my dignity,
which you gave me when I was conceived.
Help me remember that I can live a life of love.
Because you created my heart.

Be with me when people make fun of me,
and help me to respond how you would want me to,
in a love that respects other, but also respects me.
Help me find friends who love me for who I am.
Help me, most of all, to be a loving person.

And God, help me remember that Jesus loves me.
For he was seen as an outcast, too.
He was misunderstood, too.
He was beaten and spat upon.
Jesus understands me, and loves me with a special love,
because of the way you made me.

And when I am feeling lonely,
help me remember that Jesus welcomed everyone as a friend.
Jesus reminded everyone that God loved them.
And Jesus encouraged everyone to embrace their dignity,
even when others were blind to that dignity.
Jesus loved everyone with the love that you gave him.
And he loves me, too.

One more thing, God:
Help me remember that nothing is impossible with you,
that you have a way of making things better,
that you can find a way of love for me,
even if I can't see it right now.
Help me remember all these things in the heart you created,
loving God. Amen.

(7) “When Rights Differ, What Messages do Gay Teens Get?”

http://www.gaylgbt.com/blog/entertainment/glaad/2010/10/when-rights-differ-what-messages-do-gay-teens-get/

We learned with sorrow last week about the death of Tyler Clementi, the 18-year-old Rutgers student who jumped from the George Washington Bridge after someone streamed a video on the Internet of him with another man.  That we know of, Clementi was the fourth gay teenager nationwide that month to take his own life.  A few days later Raymond Chase, a 19-year-old Johnson & Wales student, became the fifth.

Unfortunately, the negative portrayal of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people and the rhetoric of anti-gay activists, especially in politics and in the media, not only tells these kids they matter less than their peers, it tells all young people that those who are (or are perceived to be) gay or bi are different or simply not good enough.

By the time I graduated from Riverhead High School, I knew there was a good chance I was gay. Growing up, I didn’t know many openly gay people to turn to, and as I looked to my community and the media for guidance, the messages I got back made it very clear that being gay was something I shouldn’t want any part of.

As an 18-year-old, I listened to graduation speeches full of promises of bright futures and endless possibilities. The idea that gay and lesbian couples could legally marry or that the media would portray gay and transgender people with dignity and respect — those things belonged in the same category as flying cars in my mind. Sure, someday. 

On the surface, it seems that “someday” is now. Gay men and lesbians can marry the ones they love in a few states. And overall, portrayals of lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender people in the media are more realistic and respectful.  But most LGBT teens are still getting the same message I did: “You’re not accepted.” We still live in a society that paints a painful and unsupportive future for young people who are gay or perceived to be.

When New York’s marriage-equality bill was defeated late last year, I couldn’t help but wonder how thousands of gay youth in our state felt seeing their future being debated and witnessing the subtle and not-so-subtle signals about their value and worth.  In fact, thanks to the way anti-gay activists have used the lives of lesbian and gay people as a campaign issue over the past decade, that message might be heard even louder now.

And gay and transgender teens aren’t the only ones hearing it. Bullies receive the message that gay people should be made to feel unwelcome.  When gay people aren’t afforded full equality, that’s society’s way of saying, “Here are the outcasts, now cast them out.”  Too often, this is done quite literally. The National Gay and Lesbian Task Force says between 20 percent and 40 percent of all homeless youth nationwide identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender.

(8) “Today’s Love: ‘He’s my Little Brother. If He’s Happy, I’m Happy’”

http://colorlines.com/archives/2010/10/_heres_todays_moment_of.html

Here’s today’s moment of love. It’s a 10 minute segment from a Seattle TV show about a little boy named Dyson who likes to wear sequins and heels and whose lovely mother and father are totally cool about it.

Amidst a lot of not so lovely news, particularly a whole lot of tragedy in the lives of queer kids collapsing under the weight of torturous violence and harassment, we found this video circulating on facebook. 

You’ve got to watch to the end so you can catch Dyson’s equally cute older brother deliver this line: “I was picking a ninja turtle costume while Dyson was begging to be Cinderella for Halloween…I stood up and said mom just let him be happy, cause he’s my little brother and if he’s happy I’m happy and so is my mom and dad.” (Starts with 1:50 left.)

Dyson’s mother Cheryl Kilodavis just authored a book about her son called My Princess Boy, with illustrator Suzanne DeSimone.

We’re ending the day as often as possible by celebrating love. We welcome your ideas for posts. Send suggestions to submissions@colorlines.com, and be sure to put Celebrate Love in the subject line. You can send links to videos, graphics, photos, quotes, whatever. Or just chime in to the comments below and I’ll find you. Be sure to let us know you’ve got the rights to share any media you send.

There may be a long road ahead to justice, but surely it begins with everyone doing their best to love themselves and one another.

You can watch the video here: http://colorlines.com/archives/2010/10/_heres_todays_moment_of.html

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